A 9-table stimulated matrix vignette by J E D Cline on Sunday, March 9, 2008 6:53:40 AM US/Pacific




grok the whole


sequential analysis


physical action




psychosynthesis subpersonalities




my inner saboteur

only benefits external rivals

blinded to specific option


A very strange phenomenon which I experience frequently could be labeled the psychological term "self defeating behavior" yet I experience it as things caused by what I call "my inner saboteur." The results of the phenomenon invariable are for the benefit of those who clearly are seeing themselves as rival to me, so despite the apparent psychology of  it all it really does seem deliberately caused by external entities, which somehow pretend to be "me" in whatever part of me that is making quick decisions. It is in the "quick decisions" actions that it seems to take place most of the time, somewhere in the translation from intent into physical implementation of intended action. However, another way the phenomenon expresses is as the "erasing" somehow of an item from a mental list of intended doings. This type only gets discovered much later, and when I attempt to figure out what happened, I find the item had somehow been deleted from my to-do list. Often the end result clearly is to the benefit of some rival; yet also sometimes is merely something with intent to "defeat" and it all is much like the rivalry sports kind of behavior many people are obsessed with. Win by ruining one's "opponent" thus getting the goodies by default. Perhaps it all fits into more general category that include such things as coyote chasing rabbit to kill and eat or escaping;  two men fighting to obtain "possession" of a specific woman (probably encouraged by the woman herself) and people playing team sports like basketball or games like chess. Yet in this case, it seems to be playing out "inside me". I recall a workshop I once took, given by Carol Dore', which included some tips on how to succeed. Vaguely I recall something involving actually influencing other's behavior at a distance by use of a specific visualization process. Is that the kind of thing going on? I recall her admonition to not use it to make someone love you as  it "would backfire on you". She also taught that power for achieving one's goal could be gotten from group laughter, no matter what they were laughing about, it was a moment to somehow transfer powerful energy to the obtaining of one's personal achievement not at all related to the group activity. Another thing I had read that seems related was a serious article on the discoveries of archaeology of the Roman Empire days, something called "Defixiones" whereby somebody could hire a practitioner who would somehow enlist invisible entities to cause pivotal actions by somebody else so as to give the person an advantage; it also involved the writing of this all on a piece of lead foil and placing it in the arena of expected action, such as rolling the engraved foil up and dropping it into the well water serving a court of law so as to influence the outcome of a court case, or to nail the lead foil on underside of starting agate of a sports event ... archaeologists finding these engraved foils millennia later is part of how they discovered that such things went on throughout the Roman Empire territories. Wrestling events could be influenced, court cases won, and women caused to crave a specific man, all by the use of these "defixiones" which were apparently a combination of an instruction written on lead foil plus an invisible entity that would go do the deed. The opponent would trip himself, utter a wrong statement at a critical instant, and the contest goes in favor of the other person. The article said "did it work? That it was done so much and so far and wide suggests people thought it did work," very pragmatic people of those primitive days. So the "self" part of the self-defeating-behavior was that oneself "did" the goof, the opponent did not have to directly cause the mistake by physical bashing. The "Universal Unconscious Mind" as proclaimed discovered by the great Austrian Psychologist Carl Gustav Jung, might be the arena in which such things transpire. All this weird stuff is now seeming to stick to themselves a bit. There is also the subject of "Voodoo" supposed superstition whereby somebody can cause disruption of somebody else without visible means. This software includes as part of its name a cute alluding of unseen action in the making of new pages automatically by use of special link words. The original voodoo thing I recall was said to involve making a doll which was intended to represent another person, then stick pins in the doll to cause the represented person to have difficulties of some kind. Yet self-defeating-behaviors psychologically speaking are done at the sole discretion of the person doing them, it is proclaimed. "YOU yourself did it." There are also goofs called "Freudian slips" that may be related although maybe quite different sourced. I sometimes attempt to chase down my inner saboteur to see what thing it is; sometimes I have discovered what seems to be a man nearby, or barely-heard gutter-sniping derisive or disdainful paired-voice usually male ("Butthead and Beavis"?); and sometimes it seems that it is an entity that has hidden itself among my confederacy of sub-personalities per the psychosynthesis teachings originated by Assiogli. Yet that wolf in sheep's clothing hiding among the sheep of my subpersonality flock, is more a guess than a seen thing. The low-level-heard catcalling is very much like kids making fun of someone in school days. Yet could it be explained by the phenomenon of "post hypnotic suggestion" by someone carrying out instructions given during a hypnotic session? Hypnosis is a widely credible term. Is also said people vary quite a bit in their ability to be hypnotized.  And now I recall the intro to one of the radio shows I listened to as a youth that went "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts and minds of men? Only the Shadow knows." Probably the radio show was named "the Shadow" and was a detective story ongoing about the Shadow who stalked people to find out what they were doing, always bad guys being stalked by the investigators. This vignette is getting long. Where is the topic going? Can Laughter Yoga be used in Carol Dore's way to make goals happen physically? Or is it too pure of heart? "All things are connected" is another phrase possibly relevant, which might also explain the voodoo practitioner's doll being an influence remote control of some real person elsewhere. I'm suddenly getting sleepy and a busy morning about to happen, so for now I hypothesize that "my inner saboteur" is actually the "voodoo doll" image being done-to by somebody who is engaged in rival effort to "defeat" me so they can get some kind of goodies by default. What a nuisance, yet simply ignoring it has always just given them a free ride sapping from my life. 

Copyright © 2008 James E. D. Cline. Permission granted to reproduce providing inclusion of a link back to this site and acknowledgment of the author and concept designer James E. D. Cline.